How to survive the holidays (and return to work recharged)
The holidays can be both a joyful time to gather with family and friends, and a stressful time. And unfortunately, during this time we can forget to take care of ourselves. It can be challenging to remember and practice good self-care habits, like having healthy boundaries or behaviors.
The first step in maintaining good self-care is to set realistic expectations for ourselves and others. While we may see idyllic scenes of celebration on social media, these can set up unrealistic expectations. We may put pressure on ourselves to emulate what we see around us, only to stress ourselves in the process, and become disappointed with the result. Instead, I would encourage you to set healthy boundaries and realistic expectations, and practice healthy behaviors. And with hope your holiday is season is more joyful and healthy, and less stressful.
Healthy boundaries
Healthy boundaries are hard to maintain during most of the year, but it is particularly true during the holiday season. Prior to the holiday season it is important for us to decide what are our boundaries, what will we say yes and no to, and how we will care for ourselves.
I am frequently asked, what do you mean by healthy boundaries? First, there is a misconception we need to tell everyone our boundaries and be nearly confrontational in protecting them. Healthy boundaries are our guides in making decisions, and in taking care of ourselves.
Boundaries are not for other people. Boundaries are internal guides to help make decisions, establish expectations, and aid in self-care. For example, I have a boundary that I will agree to no more than two events a week during the holidays, since I know I prefer quality of time with others. If I spread myself too thin, I might not be able to do spend quality time with family and friends. So, when I am presented with more than 2 events, I choose two events to attend where I can spend quality time with people. I don’t need to be aggressive in declining the other invitations, I can just simply state, “I am sorry I cannot attend.”
Our families and friends may have expectations of what we will do, or when we will be available that are not realistic. That is why it is important for us to reflect before the holidays on how we want to care for ourselves: what is manageable, what are our expectations, and how can we best spend time with family and friends. When setting boundaries, we mostly are setting them for ourselves!
How To Set BOUNDARIES
The first step: Establish your own expectations and goals for yourself.
For example:
How many events do I want to attend?
How long do I want to spend at events?
Do I want to host family and friends at my home?
If I am hosting, for what type of event? What can I realistically provide for the event, e.g. food, drinks, activities? Is it possible to get and ask for help?
The second step: Set up an important/urgent matrix that prioritizes your values, what you want or need to spend time on.
For example:
One of my values is to spend time with family, but I also like to have some alone/reflection time at the end of each year. Knowing this can help me to define my boundaries around my time and how I will expend energy.
The third step, express your boundary:
Be assertive and firm, but not aggressive or confrontational.
“I am sorry, I will not be able to host the family party this year.”
“Sounds like a wonderful event. Unfortunately, I am busy that evening.”
Be clear: I want, I need, I expect.
“I need to have some quiet time this year and will not be able to attend.”
“I want to host the family party this year. I expect everyone to help by bringing a dish or drink of their choice to share.”
State your need or request, or say no.
Expect pushback and handle it with grace.
“I appreciate you feel my presence at your event is important that means a lot to me. Unfortunately, I have already committed to several events that same week.”
“While I can’t host the family party this year, I would like consider doing it in the future.”
Healthy behaviors
Maintaining our boundaries isn’t the only challenge during the holidays, it can also be a challenge to maintain other healthy habits. We may eat and drink too much, and exercise too little. It will be important to take time each day, to have a healthy meal, take a walk, and moderate our drinking.
Some tips to help maintain healthy habits:
Get up 30 minutes earlier each day to ensure you have time for yourself, to take a walk or meditate (meditation for holiday stress).
Make sure to drink one glass of water for each alcoholic drink you consume, this will slow you down and keep you hydrated.
Practice mindful eating.
When choosing food at a party or meal, start with vegetables first, then protein, leave sweets and other simple carbohydrates until last. Practice the healthy plate method: ½ vegetables, ¼ protein, and ¼ carbohydrates.
Try to not stand or sit near sugary or salty snacks. This can encourage mindless eating.
Practice GRATITUDE of what you have in your life. Focus energy on what you have, it will help you to be more generous with others. Each day make a short list of what you are grateful for, either people, events, or situations, this will help create a gratitude habit.
Practice EMPATHY with yourself, be generous and forgiving, avoid negative self-talk.
