Being Polite: the social lubricant
I don’t know about you but I find it strange to walk down a hall at work and not greet people also walking down the hall. “Hey, how are you doing?”
Or when making a request of someone however small to not say “please” and to offer a “thank you” and appreciation when the task is complete.
I recently took over as an officer for a large professional association, and work with several other executive committee members. Shortly after I started my position, I receive this email from a fellow officer (Marcy) whom I had not met in person and had limited interactions with:
“Harry and I tried to put this on my credit card, but it would not go through. Can you tell me whether the new cards have been created and when I can expect to receive one?”
There was no greeting, no please, and only her professional signature as a sign-off.
As I mentioned I have had few interactions with this person, and my impression after this email was:
Cold
Unfriendly
Borderline rude
Demanding
Wanting to see if I could reset my interactions with Marcy, I responded:
“Hi Marcy,
I am sorry for the delay! I will check with Barbara. I thought you would have already received yours? Could have the cards been sent to a different address?
Take care,
Ann “
In addition, I sent a separate message to her with some information regarding updating some banking information and apologizing for any delays in my response time, since I had been dealing with a minor, but worrisome health issue. Fortunately, the health issue was taken care of and I would be able to be more available for the association. Marcy saw fit to forward this email to others in the organization, without my consent or removing my health information, and didn’t offer any sort of polite response to my health issue (can you tell I’m still ticked!).
Damn! She’s cold, demanding, unfriendly, rude, and disrespectful! Working with her should be a hoot . And chances are my future interactions with her could be influenced by these interactions, if I let them.
You may be asking, “What’s my problem with this situation? You’re being too sensitive. She was being efficient asking for what she needed, making a request, etc. Business-like, time saving.”
BUT IT LACKS ANY HUMANNESS…
I need to resist letting these interactions and my reaction to them, shape future interactions. I’m new, trying to find my way, want to make a good impression, and have good working relationships with the group. The cheapest, least emotionally taxing way to do this is abundant politeness.
Being polite signals we are friendly, and doesn’t take much time or effort (hint: it also slows us down!).
Let’s rewrite Marcy’s email with some simple politeness:
“Hi Ann,
I hope you are doing well! I have a quick question for you. Harry and I tried to charge this order to my association credit card, but it would not go through. I know we are in the process of changing over bank information etc. so maybe this is why? And if so, do you have an estimate of when I can expect to receive the new one? It would be really helpful!
Thank you!
Take care,
Marcy”
This email has 80 words, and the original has 36… a mere 44 more words and a whole different impression of Marcy is formed.
Politeness is a cheap relationship builder!
Easy additions can be made to any email or electronic communication that add back in a human touch, allows us to signal friendliness, and create connection with others in our new “virtual” world when face to face interactions are less common. Think of theses as what you would have said if you stopped by someone’s office or ran into them in the hallway. Don’t worry about sounding professional.
Sound like you, and how you want to be perceived.
